Today was a day of “firsts” post mastectomy, and I wouldn’t do the day justice without documenting it so… Here goes!

Suffice to say, I drastically underestimated the “power of the drains.” While they really didn’t seem to be bothering me – they didn’t itch, pull, or nag me like I’ve heard from so many others – having them out the last 24+ hours has been the proverbial “corner” I’ve been waiting to turn. I feel So. Much. Better!!!

I think I can attribute it to the space the drains were taking up, but my level of discomfort is drastically reduced. And the feeling of freedom is like I could take over the world!

With a little bit of déjà vu from my 16th birthday, I was able to drive by myself today!! To a much-needed massage and then to Target (my happy place!) Actually I was on a desperate hunt to find a sports bra that would keep my wonky left expander in place. I was successful and WOW what a difference that makes! I think that expander sliding across my pec muscle is what was responsible for so much of the last week’s discomfort, combined with the drains. Driving will be much improved now! It wasn’t horrible, and was actually better than I anticipated, but I could feel every little bump. But again with the realization of how much we take our pec muscles for granted!!

And then another huge “first” post-op… Getting ready and putting on real clothes and makeup! We had so much to celebrate tonight – my amazing parent’s 37th anniversary, my aunt being in town, and my recovery! After a wonderful dinner at Capital Grille, my Mom said it best – “life is good!”

I got a call from my breast surgeon’s office today and they bumped up my post-op appointment to Monday, which is great. I’m hoping to return to work soon so that will be perfect… And I’m now planning on moving back to my apartment after that. It still takes me a minute, after all the planning of the last six months, to realize it’s over! Such a relief.

So all in all, a wonderful day! I don’t take my quick recovery for granted for a minute, and know I wouldn’t be here without you… My amazing family and friends! I’m forever indebted and so very grateful to be where I’m at, just 17 days after surgery.

I was a little afraid my blog title today was going to be “Drains, Drains Go Away,” but thankfully my wonderful plastic surgeon (abbreviated “PS” in the BRCA/PBM world vernacular!) said “I’m tired of them and want them out!” I wholeheartedly agreed and out they came! No wonder they were causing more pain inside than I gave them credit for… Just a little bit of length in there!!

Ah what a relief to have them out! After 16 days of having attachments I can only describe it as being FREE!!

But that wasn’t all… Then he says “want a fill?” Meaning, fill up the expanders?? Of course! Let’s do this! So I got 50 cc’s of saline injected into each side. Such a weird thing to watch needles going into your skin and yet not feeling so much as a poke. Not sure that will ever feel “normal.”

It’s a really fascinating process (there’s a video of today if you’re interested!) So he uses this fancy magnet device to find the port on the expander, then pushes down on it once it’s found to make a small mark on the skin. Cleans it, pokes the needle in, and voila! They aspirate back and fun-fact… the saline inside the expander is BLUE! That’s to make sure they’re in the right spot, but how fun is that?! Had I known I would have requested purple but… Just kidding!!

So yeah then he just fills it up! Actually they were double-teaming me and he passed off the syringe to his nurse so he could do the other side so they were both growing at the same time! It doesn’t hurt but its kind of a weird feeling having the saline slosh around in there. Even though this fill makes both sides bigger than I had to start (we’re at 550 cc’s each now), it doesn’t feel like it’s stretching an astronomical amount – there were ripples that have now evened out, but it doesn’t feel super stretched if that makes any sense. It actually feels better, believe it or not, now that there’s less moving around.

I absolutely love that my doctor is such a perfectionist about what he does. I was giving him a hard time (guilty!) about something silly and said “but you do this every day!” Even though he does, he was telling me how he still gets stressed every time he’s in the OR when he’s striving for perfection. Pretty amazing that he really does do this every day but still has that mindset.

Since the swelling has gone down over the last week, we had noticed a little bit of asymmetry. Turns out, based on the location of the port, that my left expander has rotated about twenty degrees clockwise, which makes sense why I was feeling it a little bit more in my armpit than the right side. This is easily fixed during the exchange surgery – he will reinforce the side as well. Since the expanders are somewhat lateral, he’s requested I wear a tight sports bra to pull them in and prevent any more movement. That’s an easy fix! It still fascinates me to watch the way he approaches things… His classical art background really comes out.

Other than the minor issue with the expander, we are both very pleased with the results. Incisions look great and nipples are healing well – he mentioned we may do a little bit of nipple tattooing, as you can lose pigment in the process. But that is a ways out – after the exchange surgery and all that is done. And that will be the final touch!

We are still planning on 640 cc Natrelle 410 (gummy bear tear drop) moderate height, full projection implants (I know that’s a mouthful, but for anyone going through this themselves each of those words has meaning!) So that means 2 more fills – the next one will be in 2 weeks and 50 cc each again, and then I will see him 2 weeks after that and we will fill anywhere between 30 and 50, depending how they look. At that point we can schedule the exchange surgery for about 2 months out. Hard to believe we’re already talking about that – but so freaking awesome!!! I can’t reiterate the importance of finding a plastic surgeon you love and trust – you really do see them a lot!

So that covers the first “D” to address… Drains. As for the others (Driving and Doing stuff) – I’m cleared to start driving, as well as slowly increasing activity!! Obviously my pec muscles are still sore and have been through a lot, so I’m not going to be crazy and think that miraculously I can do everything, but that’s a huge relief!! This time spent with my family has been absolutely wonderful, but the timing of this is perfect that after my Aunt heads back home on Sunday I will be able to move back to my apartment. I wouldn’t change a thing about how my recovery has been, and I am SO grateful for all the help, but now that I have Dr. T’s blessing I’m ready to regain my independence, slowly but surely!!

It’s so crazy that I’ve already reached this part in my journey. I met my plastic surgeon almost 6 months ago, to the day. And after 5 months of (purposeful) waiting, I’m here “on the other side.” So much planning and preparation, both mentally and physically. And it was all worth it. The timing was perfect. And everything went exactly as planned. I am so eternally grateful.

Yesterday I sat on the patio and watched some of my closest family and friends splash around in the pool together. My parents, my aunt, my roommate, and my god daughters and their parents. On a Wednesday. As much as it sucks that I even had to have this surgery, I’m so grateful for beautiful moments like those. I call them “colliding of the worlds” moments. Ones that would have most likely never happened if not for my surgery/recovery.

I’m sure I’ll have a whole sappy blog post about all this, but suffice to say, I am so blessed to have had such a wonderful experience, between my incredible doctors and the support of my family and friends. In this crazy, messed up world of ours it’s easy to focus on the bad. But these last few weeks have shown me the good. I have such a renewed faith in humanity, and in the beauty of the human spirit.

Two weeks already?! How is that possible?! I distinctly remember asking my breast surgeon back in February how long the recovery was, and he said something along the lines of “oh you’ll be bored and ready to go in two weeks.” That is definitely the truth! At least mentally. I also remember back when my wise friend Nicole reminded me there’s a difference being “bored” and being “ready?”… Damn her for being right (or in her words, clairvoyant!) The mentally ready versus physically not predicament is upon us!

I am quickly reminded many times a day by my lovely chest how I need to take it easy… Like when you can’t open a bottle of Vitamin Water or cut up your own food. Don’t take your pec muscles for granted… you’d be amazed how much you use them without realizing it!!

Everyone who knows me keeps assuming (admittedly with good reason) that I’m overdoing things chomping at the bit to get back, but I promise I’m taking it easy. I really don’t have much choice! We went out to Target and lunch yesterday and I was on the verge of tears in the car I was so ready to get back home and to the couch. So really trying hard to not overdo it. But it’s hard when you feel like you’re doing very little. See also: speed bumps suck. Dads that weave all around a parking lot to avoid them rock.

I’ve been off prescription pain meds since post-op day 7, only taking Tylenol. It would be so much easier if it was a “pain” that medication could fix. But it’s not. I remember recovering a carotid endarterectomy patient last year and when I asked him if he was in pain he said “no, I’m just profoundly uncomfortable.” That’s the best way I can explain this… In particular, the expanders. And so much of it is movement-related, so it’s a constant effort of trying to find the balance. I was both comforted and discouraged reading some blogs yesterday that this feeling can last the entire time you have expanders. With that said, I just keep telling myself “this is temporary!” And that it will all be worth it.

While the drains are still not bothering me, I’m ready to ditch them and be freeeeee!! Just weird having additional appendages! I hope they come out Thursday… I am encouraged by this:

What’s that you ask?! That’s the beautiful liquid gold of serous drainage… Finally not red or even pink! So making progress indeed, but not sure they’ll make the cc cutoff. Fingers crossed! But google “seroma” and you’ll have the renewed sense of patience I have after hearing those horror stories!

A few other rambling of thoughts for today…

• I remain so impressed with my incisions. The scabs are almost all off and whoa. Strong work, Boob Dudes! I’ve been taking pictures of the progress and straight on you can’t even see them they’re so hidden on the sides. As for the open area on my right nipple (I really hate that word. Need to find a better substitute!)- Friday it looked much worse, but after a picture text to my plastic surgeon with resulting reassurance and a few days of treatment it is now looking much better, thank goodness. Yay for pink granulation tissue! Patience is the name of the game around here!

• Phantom itching = WTF?! It’s so weird. I can’t feel anything on the surface of either breast, but they still itch. Yet scratching I can’t feel. So weird.

• Also on the weird nerves note, I mentioned this before but the nerves/nerve degeneration under and a little bit down the insides of my upper arms is a very strange tingling/burning that I hope improves soon! Clothing rubs in an unfortunate way.

• Muscle spasms are there but much less – I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to type that!! Those 2 drains I had pulled last week (1 & 4) were really triggering them, come to find out. They do tend to be worse in the morning for whatever reason – the expanders feel so much stiffer right when I get up, it’s like my pecs have to change position from laying to being upright

• I highly underestimated the power of the uniboob. That’s right. You know what I’m talking about. The sports bra-induced uniboob. None of my pre-surgery ones fit with the non-moving expanders! And even one size up is still tight. And expanders vs sternum? Expanders always win.

• While much improved from my attempt to sleep in my bed last week, sleep itself is still very rocky and interrupted. Thankfully my trusty Facebook girls that have been through this and blog stalking assures me that’s normal with expanders. They just suck. It’s hard to get comfortable and stay asleep. I’m doing okay back in my bed with even MORE pillows… Made it so it’s impossible to turn over while asleep! And hanging out in the recliner during the day is still “my spot.”

• I added a new page to the blog that’s currently a work in progress – “Mastectomy Must-Haves.” I perused many of these prep lists in the weeks before my surgery and want to add my contributions to the PBM blogosphere. Just my $.02 from my surgery experience…

• Having family come in town this week was brilliant – it’s keeping me from going absolutely stir crazy! And so helpful that my Aunt TRULY understands what this is like, especially the expander suckage. She’s so helpful and is up for whatever – even just sitting on the couch watching Friends! Hoping we can do a few light outings later this week, including a special dinner to celebrate my parents’ anniversary.

• I’m starting to realistically think about my return to work. It’s all dependent on these darn drains… And driving. That has to happen too. I was hoping for some half days next week but it’s looking like it will be post Labor Day most likely… I realllly don’t want to push things too fast. And even though I don’t work directly with patients anymore, it IS still a hospital. I was filled in on the latest “this wouldn’t have happened if Diana was here…” moments this weekend… Feels good to be missed! Craziness will ensue mid-September so I want to be ready for that!

That’s about it for now… Check in with my plastic surgeon Thursday to address the three Ds: drains, driving, and doing stuff (aka weight/activity restrictions). I’ll update more then!

Have a great week!

With all the craziness/blur/haze since my surgery, I totally missed my “BRCA-versary!” It’s not something I’d ever really thought about before now
(I saw someone on Facebook post about hers which triggered my curiosity) and honestly before I started the blog and dug out my results, I wouldn’t have known the date. Even now I had to look back! And the timing is a little crazy that it falls so close to my surgery.

I kind of wish I remembered more about the genetic testing process. It’s weird but it’s such a blur I can’t even really picture meeting with the genetic counselor for the first time. I can easily picture sitting in a booth at Cantina Laredo by the ice rink at the Galleria and my parents telling me that both my Aunt and my father were tested, and positive, for a gene mutation linked to cancer (that I had ironically just learned about in nursing school the semester prior). And I remember telling them that I undoubtedly wanted to be tested too (and soon), knowing in my gut what my result would be. I distinctly remember the chair I was sitting in at the cancer center when the blood was drawn out of the mediport I still had in place at the time on August 7, 2008. And vividly remember being told I was positive… I was at home at my parents taking a nap! So I was a tad disoriented answering the phone. But I do remember Sarah saying “you were right…” a week later on August 14th. I vaguely remember being handed a purple folder and opening it to read with my own 20 year old eyes the word “deleterious”:

I remember calling my Aunt to tell her I too, was positive. And I very much so remember meeting with my breast surgeon, and apparently took the “come back in 5 years!” more seriously than I realized. I’m such a dates/numbers person I can’t believe that I never put it together over the past 6 months that the anniversary would fall right after my surgery. Seems appropriate!

It’s hard to believe its been 5 years since then, but honestly it kind of seems like longer… Between finishing nursing school, 2 moves, 2.5 years of ICU nursing, and now almost a year of my current job (how did that happen?)– it’s been a busy 5 years! Sometimes I wonder what I would have done if prophylactic surgery (to happen then) had been offered at that initial appointment. I’m not sure what I would have done, but to be brutally honest, I am so incredibly glad it wasn’t. I needed to come to the decision on my own. And more importantly, I needed the life experiences of the last 5 years to be ready to do this. And between the job changing, gaining such a strong support system, and transition to being an adult (or something like that!) the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Besides the fact that my plastic surgeon who I adore so much wasn’t there then either! So truly the stars did align.

Anyhow, just wanted to commemorate, albeit a little late, the 5 year anniversary of the day I was inducted into Previvor-hood, whether I was ready or not! Ever since then, being BRCA2 positive really wasn’t something I let define me or was was even something I thought about a whole lot until last fall, so it’s still a little (okay a lot!) surreal to be “on the other side…” It’s really happened. I really did it – I had a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy at the age of 25. Crazy. I wish there were words to describe the empowerment that typing that sentence provides, but there truly aren’t. I know that five years from now this surgery will be a blur like that whole time is, and you know what? I can’t wait.

Can’t believe I’ve been home from the hospital for a week now! Things are going as well as I could have hoped for and I’m still very much so “hanging in there!”

I ditched the Vicodin 2 days ago and feel like I’m finally a little more out of the haze the last week has been! Though I overestimated myself last night for sure… Thought I would try moving up to my bedroom at my parents. Worst. Idea. Ever. Unless you like waking up having slid off the mound/throne of pillows feeling like you can’t breathe because your lungs are being crushed by a liter of expanders. It was awful! So I’ve retreated back down to the lovely recliner I’ve called home for the last week. Equally as unfortunate was subconsciously trying to flip over to sleep on my stomach. Talk about a rude awakening! Epic fail. So recliner it is! The muscle spasms are impressively less sitting up, and they’re really still my only complaint at this point.

I had some wonderful visitors the last couple days – it’s hard to admit they had to be spread out, but I’m slowly getting my strength back and able to do more and more each day!

This morning was the first time I left the house since I got home… Seems like forever since I was in the hospital. But off to my plastic surgeon for my first post op visit! Between showering and drying my hair (I was ambitious, what can I say!) I was already a little worn out. Then literally right as they called my name to go back this atrocious obnoxious alarm goes off saying “Attention, attention! An emergency has been detected in this building…” with the instructions to evacuate. Those 5 flights of stairs and out to the front were more physical activity than I’ve done in a week… Probably combined! So yeah, always keeping it interesting! No idea what that was about but thankfully it was unseasonably cool outside and short-lived so not terrible.

So after that excitement we finally got on with my appointment. I had to laugh when he was like “you’re sweating!” Haha definitely a bit deconditioned from the last week! Anyhow, a good visit overall. Love this guy! He fawned over my drain chart… If you know me in real life you can appreciate this:

The greatness of the chart is that I got drains 1 and 4 pulled! Woohoo!! Such a strange feeling coming out… Not painful, just super weird! The other two are still draining a decent amount, but we’re both hopeful they can come out when I see him in a week. I asked what my activity restrictions were at this point and got a “do absolutely nothing!” response, meaning no lifting and taking it easy. That plus a compressing sports bra will hopefully get the drainage to slow down enough to pull the last 2… They are right under my skin so it would a relief for both of us to get them out sooner rather than later.

Thankfully the daily dressings of the clinical trial are over! Not to be graphic, but there is a small area that’s open on my right nipple, which earned me another week of Keflex and strict instructions that any redness or warmth earns an immediate picture text and direct admit to the hospital for IV antibiotics. Please cross every appendage possible that this doesn’t happen! We are so OCD with cleanliness so no fear we’re doing everything possible to prevent this. But it’s especially scary with the proximity of my shunt (that goes, you know, to my brain)… ahhh I can’t even think about that!

So anyway, such a relief to have ditched 2 drains! And my surgeon is so pleased with the results, and so am I! The incisions look amazing, and I’ll have my first fill once everything is healed… We’re aiming for that to happen in 2 weeks. It’s just really weird getting used to not having feeling… Like my arms will hit the expanders and its bizarre. Hard to explain… But strange nonetheless.

Well that’s the latest from over here! I see a nice, long nap in my very near future! I’m so excited to see my Aunt who comes in to town this weekend. And am grateful that I’m feeling up to doing more, while still abiding by taking it easy – will make these next couple weeks fly by!

Thanks again for all the cards, visits, food, flowers… Everything! I truly have the best support system and nurses (aka parents!) a girl could ask for!