It’s absolutely mind-boggling to me that it’s been over three years since I last posted and over six years since my prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. Time sure flies! I keep renewing this blog each year because I still get emails that show people are looking at it (thanks Pinterest!), so I like to think it’s out there helping someone, somewhere, as they go through a similar journey. And here I am, unexpectedly thrown back into the thick of my own BRCA journey. I hesitated to share this or update the blog at all, but as I read back through some posts I remembered the promise I made to my (young, determined, 25 year old) self to be transparent in my journey and to tell it like it is. So, here I am.
As a quick catch up, since 2016 when I last wrote, things have been busy, but great! I started a new job, finished my master’s degree, taught for a year, started my PhD, bought a house, traveled, became an aunt x 2, laughed often, loved a lot, found the most amazing gym family and stress release in BodyCombat (and more recently, spin), and a little 8 pound Maltipoo found his way into my heart and I have more than embraced the role of dog mom.
Healthwise I’ve been doing well, aside from some unexpectedly stressful but benign cysts found on my now bi-annual (since I turned 30) ovarian cancer screenings and an unanticipated foot surgery for an old fracture that slowed me down a bit! But those were little blips in the radar at this point. I happened to be in Mexico for my 5th “Boobiversary” last year and posted this to commemorate the day:
“Not quite sure how it’s possible, but today we cheers to the 5 YEAR Anniversary of my bilateral prophylactic mastectomy! And what a journey it has been!” #BRCA2 #previvor #neverbeenbetter #thisis30 #grateful #science #knowyourrisk”
So needless to say, all was well. And then, this popped up on my Facebook feed out of the blue in July:
I clicked on the link with trepidation; I could tell from the title the FDA had recalled certain kinds of breast implants. And then that first line reads “The FDA has identified this as a Class I recall, the most serious type of recall. Use of these devices may cause serious injuries or death.” Like that’s not terrifying to read. And why yes, those are the implants I have (Natrelle 410s). Because of course they are. I didn’t panic, in all honestly I actually laughed at the irony: the implants I had as a result of a surgery to PREVENT cancer can now CAUSE cancer?! Is this for real?! Yes, yes it is.
A few days later I reached out to my plastic surgeon and he confirmed I needed to come in. I saw him in August and we discussed the risks/benefits/alternatives, and there was/is really no question: the implants need to come out. Yes, the risk of lymphoma is low, but it’s honestly just not worth taking any risk, particularly in someone who is already considered to have a high risk of developing cancer. Since it wasn’t incredibly urgent, I chose to schedule surgery around the holidays when I would already be taking time off work – specifically a week from today on November 25th. So, yet again, I find myself having surgery the week of Thanksgiving – this is the third time in six years, if anyone is counting. Thankfully it should be a very quick procedure in day surgery to switch them out, of course with some underlying fear about my shunt being in close proximity that will always be there! The new implants will be a different shape and material (round, smooth silicone versus anatomical/tear drop, textured silicone) which will supposedly change the shape a bit, but otherwise I have a few weeks of activity restrictions and then should hopefully be “good as new.”
It’s been a weird mix of emotions to find myself back on this journey when BRCA has become such a small part of my life that I really only think about every six months when I undergo ovarian cancer screening, and only then for a minimal amount of time. It’s amazing how many people have come into my life “post-mastectomy” that don’t know this side of me; I’ve shared my journey and this part of my identity more in the last three months than I have in the last three years! It’s also a disconcertingly vulnerable feeling, almost like back to pre-mastectomy when I felt like I had ticking time bombs inside of me. Maybe even worse, since they aren’t “mine,” despite six years of trying to think of them as part of me and finally getting to that point, only to find out they’re dangerous too. It’s frustrating, because I’m so completely healed, the scars are faded, there’s no activities I can’t do – exhibit A being the Daddy/Daughter landscaping adventure of this weekend where I was hauling bags of rocks after a sweat fest of a spin class complete with weights without thinking twice about it!
To be completely thrown back into this world without warning is bizarre – the smell and deja vu walking back into the plastic surgery clinic alone was unreal! I have to laugh that the most common response I have gotten is “you’re having another Boob Voyage, right?!” It’s warms my heart that others have just as fond memories of that day as I do! But the answer is no, unless it’s an impromptu excuse for a girls night – ha! A lot has changed since I was 25 and had my first BRCA-related surgeries, but at the same time it feels like nothing at all. At the end of the day, this is just an unexpected hurdle that I will overcome, just like everything else. I will bust out my dusty recovery pillow, review all my preparation lists, and take it one day at a time (or try to, at least!) Thanks for being a part of my continued journey; I am forever humbled and grateful for the incredible people and never-ending support I have surrounding me.