I don’t have anything profound to say, just the cliche “how is it already here?” thoughts that keep running through my head. Work has been crazy busy, but it’s my favorite busy of the year, so it’s really been a blessing in disguise. I told a friend the other day I feel a bit like a hamster. Of course that provoked a rather befuddled look until I went on to explain the last couple months have been like I’m on a hamster wheel, just going round and round, faster and faster.
It’s so hard to believe that I’ve reached this point in my journey. I know there’s still months left to be truly finished, but it’s just surreal to think I’ve made it this far. I had dinner with a friend I met through Bright Pink after she had her first consultation with her breast surgeon and replaying back all those thoughts of making the decision, picking a date, and then the dreaded waiting game made me realize just how far I’ve come.
No, the expanders haven’t been fun, and I sure am glad to be saying goodbye to them next week, but overall I found myself telling her this whole process really wasn’t THAT bad. Yes, it has it’s moments, but the accompanying relief is still indescribable. I’m so very grateful.
But now? Now I’m ready to be done with this chapter. I’m in such a positive place right now with my life that mentally I’m ready to just get on with LIVING. I’m tired of things being planned around surgeries and recoveries. I can’t wait to be at the end of this and reach the initial goal: the ability to go on living without worrying. And yes, I know, there will always be worry. But this? This is different now.
It’s funny that this surgery seems so anticlimactic. But in a way, it’s bigger, because it’s the last step in getting on with my life. My “nesting” has not been nearly as severe, but I am looking forward to a low key weekend where I can get mentally and physically prepared for next Friday. I just still can’t believe it’s already here.
I’m hoping the recovery will be as easy as everyone says it is, and that these 10 days off work will be a mix of recovering and enjoying Thanksgiving. I adore the holidays, and am looking forward to a season filled with spending time with the people I love and making memories versus things. I still am dumbfounded at all the support I’ve received throughout this journey, and truly remain in awe and inspired of the human spirit.
So just a week away, I’m in a good place. A great place. Ready to get this show on the road and truly reach my place “on the other side.”