The Ugly Cry. And Telling People.

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Well, I had a totally unexpected little cry fest the night of my birthday. Appears that reality is, in fact, a bitch. Totally out of nowhere, though I have been repeatedly told it was entirely normal. And it’s true, I had that date in the back of my mind for the past 5 years, how could it possibly pass without a little bit of acknowledgement with a good old-fashioned ugly cry?

Thankfully my funk was mostly short-lived. Yesterday was for processing. Today was for beginning to tell people that will be affected by the many upcoming appointments and then the surgery itself. It’s hard to dump the fact that not only do I have this crazy risk factor, but that then I’m doing something pretty darn big about it (and relatively soon) in one conversation. But that’s exactly what I did.

Of course it goes without saying that my parents already know the plan, I had a very honest conversation with my Aunt herself over the holidays about my thoughts and options, and that my closest friends (of which I am so grateful to have many) have been part of my processing thus far and therefore already know, so today wasn’t a huge, huge milestone in that regard, but it did require me to face the truth and acknowledge the future to the people I spend a large amount of time with.

They all took it incredibly well: my closest team members, my boss, and residents I am grateful to call my friends. I hinted to many that I would be journaling my way through this, so the public reveal of this blog is imminent…. though it appears some people have happened upon it already! Just a few more people that I want to explain it all to in person, then I’m ready for the debut!

I have to say, there are a lot of exciting things coming up in my life over the next few months, but right now I am so focused on one day before the big February 18th: Sunday. While I have been thinking and researching the prophylactic bilateral mastectomy (PBM for short… that will be used a lot) since October, through a crazy twist of fate I happened upon Amy just this week, and she is being so gracious to meet with me and share her story. Perhaps it’s a bit presumptuous, but I am so beyond excited to have this friend and support in my life… someone who truly “gets it.” Also she unknowingly inspired me to actually start a blog – I had certainly toyed with the idea, but her fabulous PREvivor GENEration gave me the push to get it going, and I know one day I will be grateful to have this journey written down.

So now there’s no turning back to the “carefree” life of 24, and after a good 48 hours with a whole bunch of hugs and new supporters, I can really say I’m ready to conquer 25!!